


In the mountain's forest

by weirdlywisely



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Growing Up, Hotarubi no Mori e AU, Human!Kuroo, Japanese Mythology & Folklore, Other, non-binary kenma, this isn't really a happy story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 05:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6642367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weirdlywisely/pseuds/weirdlywisely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuroo was a young and foolish child the first time he wandered into the mountain's forest and got lost. Who would have thought getting lost would lead to encountering a really strange person that would be so important in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the mountain's forest

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Hotarubi no Mori e AU, if you didn't see the movie, it's only 45 minutes, but you don't need to have seen it to understand
> 
> Tons of thanks to [Lark](http://seijousmaddog.tumblr.com/) who corrected my mistakes and made this easier to read, so once again thank you !!

“Hey Kuroo, why do you always get that look on your face when you look at the mountain?” someone asked him one day.

 

At first, Kuroo didn't get what they meant by ‘that look’ but now he knew it was one of longing. He hadn't known how to answer that either.

 

So when his best friend, Bokuto Koutarou had asked, he had tried to find an actual answer.

 

He couldn't tell him all the truth; it would have seemed a bit too unbelievable, even for Bokuto. Kuroo would have loved to be honest with him, but he couldn't. So he settled for half the truth.

 

“Someone waited for me there,” was the answer he gave from that point on. It got him quite a lot of incredulous looks from everyone he knew, but it only half true.

 

* * *

 

 

The first time he wandered on the mountain, he was a young and foolish child. He was spending summer in the countryside, at his grandparents' home. Summer there always had seemed like a surreal experience to Kuroo for as long as he could remember. The village was peaceful and mostly full of elderly people who sought the peace and tranquility of being away from the cities. It was quite the change for Kuroo who lived in Tokyo, and was used to the busy streets and the sounds of the city.

 

Here he could hear the cicadas; he could feel the warm sun on his skin as he hiked up the mountain in search of adventures. He could feel a light breeze caress his face that made the humid heat more bearable. He felt happy wandering in the forest, seeing things that were so different from his normal surroundings.

 

He was so lost in the amazement of his discovery of the forest that he didn't notice at first where he was. The longer he walked, deeper into the forest he went. It was a while before he noticed that he was lost. He had not idea where he was. He couldn't find the way back. He felt tears pool in his eyes. He started walking around, searching desperately for a path or anything that would help him get out. Anything or anyone. He called his parents, his grandparents, everyone.

 

He was lost. And tired. He stopped walking, still crying. His feet hurt and his legs had been scratched by the plants. He was hungry and he wanted to go home. He was sobbing, curled in a ball under a tree.

 

That's when he felt something poke his arm.

 

Kuroo raised his head and saw a strange person wearing a mask poking him with a stick.

 

They looked at each other in silence. The forest was quiet. The wind rustled the leaves gently. Kuroo sniffed, trying to hide the fact that he had been crying. Neither of them moved. They looked at each other for a few terse moments before Kuroo scrambled to stand up so he could go and hug his savior. A savior who had actually hit him with said stick.

 

“Don't touch me,” were the first words that left his saviors mouth.

 

Kuroo looked at them surprised. Why couldn't he touch them? He just wanted to hug them as a form of thanks. They would help after all, right? So he tried once again but was again hit with the stick.

 

“You're a human child, correct?” the stranger asked. Kuroo looked at them even more lost, if it was possible. Yes, he was human, but did that mean the stranger wasn’t? Were his grandparents’ legends true? “If a human were to touch me, I'll disappear,” the stranger added as an explanation.

 

Silence grew between the two once again. Kuroo had his eyes fixed on the strange person who was avoiding his gaze.

 

“You're not human,” Kuroo stated.

 

“I'm a being that lives in this forest.”

 

“A youkai?” he asked excitedly. If the stranger was a youkai, then the legends were true. He could barely contain his excitement. That was the kind of adventure he had wanted to be part of. And what could be more exciting than seeing a real youkai ? Then he thought about what the stranger said.

 

“Disappear?” he asked once again, more out of wonder than anything. So he did what every child would try. He tried to touch the stranger. Who of course avoided him before he tried again and again before swatting him with the stick, harder this time.

 

“Disappear, means I'll cease to exist,” the stranger behind the mask said. “That's the spell that was put on me,” they explained further.

 

Kuroo looked at them, eyes open wide. He stuttered an apology; he didn't know it would have been that bad.

 

“Come on, I'll guide you out of the forest.”

 

Hearing that, Kuroo's face lit up with gratefulness. He was about the try to hug the person, but stopped himself right before launching himself into their arms.

 

They started walking side by side on the moss covered antic path. Statues and rocks had been completely covered with moss and it seemed the place hadn't seen a human in centuries. At least, it seemed that way to Kuroo. The stranger made sure to keep a safe distance from him, walking on the complete other side of the path. And if they saw Kuroo wandering off, or simply getting distracted by the environment, they poked him with the stick to gain back his attention.

 

They walked in silence under the summer heat, fortunately protected by the trees' foliage. Kuroo was happily walking down the stairs, but still making sure to not slip on the moss. He was smiling but couldn't help himself and kept sneaking glances to the strange person, or spirit, or youkai, or whatever they were.

 

“You're... not afraid?” the stranger asked with a small voice, after some time.

 

“Of what?” Kuroo had asked smiling.

 

The person didn't answer and just shook their head. And they kept on walking in silence.

 

The sun was starting to set, and the heat became less intense, more bearable. It wasn't the excruciatingly hot weather of the rest of the day anymore. The two of them finally reached an old torii that was covered in moss and lichen. The strange person stopped right before crossing it but Kuroo kept on walking before he noticed that they had stopped. He turned back to look at them questioningly.

 

“If you keep walking you'll find your way down the mountain,” they told him, looking uncomfortable by just standing there.

 

Kuroo started walking downstairs once again before he stopped and looked back. The person was still standing there, watching him go.

 

“Are you going to stay ever forever?” he asked. “Can I meet you again if I come back here?”

 

“Please don't,” the person said. “A lot of different beings live there, it's not safe. You'll get lost forever if you come back in the forest,” they warned.

 

Kuroo looked at them surprised by their warning that echoed the one from the villagers. Everyone there had told him it was not safe and that a spirit would try to get him lost in the forest. But this person had been nothing but nice to him. So perhaps the forest wasn't that bad, right?

 

Kuroo hesitated for an instant before he smiled a bit more. “I'm Kuroo Tetsurou,” he finally introduced himself. “And you are?”

 

The person looked at him without making a sound. They stayed silent. The wind blowing was the only thing he could hear. But he could feel the gaze of this person on him, judging him and his reactions. So he turned back, waving and smiling. “I'll be back tomorrow, promise!” he exclaimed as he started to running downstairs once again, leaving the forest and all its inhabitants behind him.

 

“Kenma.”

 

He heard the name, he guessed, under the breeze while he was running. He stopped his run and turned back, thinking the person had called him back. But no one was there anymore. Only the sun setting beautifully on the mountain's top behind him over the forest. He scanned his surroundings for a few minutes before he hurried back down the path to go back to the village. It was late.

 

The day was nearly at its end as he was walking past a field. He was almost skipping and humming happily. There his grandfather arrived looking worried.

 

“Tetsurou! There you are!”

 

Kuroo smiled when he saw him and started running towards him, ready for a nice and warm hug. But the anger on his grandfather's face made him stop.

 

“What if you went into the forest alone and something happens to you?” he scolded him. Kuroo looked up at him, tears gathering in his eyes as he went to hug him. He had been scared and had scared his family. He didn't want his family angry at him.

 

His grandfather scooped him up in his arms, trying to calm him down but Tetsurou kept on wailing, clinging to his shirt. So the old man traveled back to the village while carrying his grandson. Though, fortunately, the village wasn't that far and from there it didn't take much for them to walk back.

 

“Are there really youkai on the mountain?” Kuroo finally asked, after some long minutes of walking down the road.

 

His grandfather turned his head slightly to look at him, who was still hanging in his arms. Kuroo avoided his stare by looking around. His grandfather smiled and ruffled his hair. “Hm... Who knows? That's what the legends say,” he answered. “But, as a kid, my friends and I wanted to meet any sort of spirits or anything. In the end, we never saw anything, but I sometimes felt like I could see something from the corner of my eye. And some people say they went to a summer festival in the forest, but no one would have organized a festival in the forest. So who do you think did it?” Tetsurou stayed silent, waiting for the rest of the tale his grandfather was telling him.

 

“It started a crazy rumor that youkai organize a festival and that sometimes human sneaked into it.” The old man started to laugh under Kuroo's curious gaze. “Those were good times,” he finished as they arrived to the village, the night almost upon them.

 

Once he was in his bed later that night, he couldn't sleep. Kuroo turned around trying to find sleep. He tossed and turned, but nothing could help him. His thoughts were full of the person in the forest. He couldn't get them out of his head. It had all seemed so surreal. He wanted to go back to the forest as soon as possible. And after some time, sleep overtook him.

 

* * *

 

 

The following morning, when Kuroo arrived, Kenma was already sitting on the stairs, seemingly waiting for him. The cat mask was still on their face, hiding all their features except for their hair. It almost reached their shoulders and it was oddly bleached blonde with their black roots showing. They were wearing a simple shirt; lose pants, and a pair of sneakers.

 

“I didn't think you'd really come,” they said honestly.

 

Kuroo smiled widely at them before he started to run towards them happily. But Kenma stood up and put the stick in front of Kuroo to remind him. Kuroo stumbled back and looked down. “Ah, sorry I forgot.”

 

“It's okay,” Kenma shrugged.

 

“Can we go explore the forest a bit more?” Kuroo then asked.

 

“Hm,” they shrugged once again. “Why not, it's cooler in the forest anyway.”

 

“And you'll guide me back, right?” Kuroo asked slightly worried. Kenma just nodded and, with that, they were off.

 

They walked further and further, much more so than what had gotten Kuroo lost yesterday, but they seemed to stay on a certain path. Tetsurou looked all around curious, when it seemed to him that he saw something move from the corner of his eye. He started walking a bit faster to get closer to Kenma. He looked around to see if he could see the thing that had moved, but he couldn't see anything.

 

He stopped for a moment and saw a sort of dark, looming shadow between the trees that was moving towards him. The shadow stopped behind a tree and was looking at them, freaking Kuroo out. “Kenma, that's a human child,” the shadow said, calling out to Kenma. “Can I eat it ?”

 

Hearing that, Tetsurou stumbled back, scared. He looked worriedly at the shadow, as if it was going to jump over there to eat him.

 

“Tora, you don't eat humans, stop trying to scare him,” Kenma replied seemingly bored.

 

“Oh so you made a friend?” the shadow, Tora was the name Kuroo thought he heard, teased Kenma who just glared annoyed. “Human child,” they turned their attention towards him; “please don't touch Kenma's skin. Or I'll eat you.”

 

Kuroo looked even more terrified as Tora kept their gaze fixed on him. At that moment, Kenma half shouted “Boo!” which scared both Kuroo and Tora. The latter transformed into a tiger and jumped on the ground before leaving quickly.

 

“A tiger?!” Kuroo exclaimed excitedly. “That's so cool! That's the first time I saw a real youkai!”

 

Kenma looked down at him as if he grew a second head but simply shrugged it off. After all, this human wasn't scared quite that easily. But still, why was he excited like that? After all, Kenma wasn't human either and the kid didn't act like that around them. But they choose to ignore it and kept on walking, with Kuroo quickly following after them, still humming happily about the encounter.

 

“Why do you wear a mask?”

 

Kenma almost sighed. How come that kid had all these questions? But then again, he made life a bit more interesting and fun so he wasn't going to turn his company away.

 

“No reason.”

 

Tetsurou frowned at that. He wanted to know. He was really curious about this new friend who lived in the mountain's forest. Why wouldn't they answer him? He was about to ask another question when they started to talk again.

 

“Tell me more about yourself.”

 

“You're curious about me?” Kuroo asked incredulous. This person lived in a forest full of youkai and they wanted to know about him? A simple human child? That made no sense.

 

“You're a strange human,” was the only reply they gave.

 

“Am not!” he exclaimed back, slightly off-put by being described as strange.

 

“Are too.”

 

“Am not!”

 

Kenma didn't reply at that and they kept on walking before they added a last “Are to,” to which Kuroo hurriedly denied before the conversation was dropped entirely.

 

They arrived in a large clearing bordering a lake where they spent the rest of the afternoon.

 

This is how they spent their days together. Kuroo going back to the forest day after day, and Kenma, waiting for him at the top of the stairs before the last torii. Summer passed quickly for Kuroo, as his days were full of playing and running across the mountain, accompanied by Kenma who complained about all his energy.

 

Kenma preferred to laze around, but when Tetsurou asked them, they would come and play with him. Be it to make sure he didn't go too far, or didn't hurt himself too badly, or even that he didn't get too careless and ran into some kind of malevolent spirit that made its home here in the forest.

 

Surely, sometimes they spend time in a clearing where Kenma would fall asleep. So one day, Kuroo had become curious.

 

“Kenma, you're asleep?” he had called, to make sure they were really asleep.

 

As he didn't get any answer, other than the birds and cicadas chirping, or the wind blowing softly, he became more courageous. And so, he let his curiosity take over. He gently, making sure he didn't touch Kenma's skin, lifted Kenma's mask from their face.

 

He was curious and he wanted to see his friend's face. The face they kept hidden for all this time.

 

He didn't know what he was expecting. Some sort of ugly or deformed face? Perhaps. A third eye or any kind of strange feature? Surely. But what he saw was completely different from all that. Kenma's face didn't look different from a human face. They looked like any human peacefully asleep. That's when they opened a golden eye.

 

“Ah! I'm sorry!” Kuroo exclaimed, slamming down the mask back onto Kenma's face.

 

“Ow!” Kenma cried out in pain. Kuroo didn't measure his strength, and slamming down the mask had hurt. They then sat up to face Kuroo after making sure the mask was in place. “So, is your curiosity satisfied?”

 

“You look normal,” Tetsurou pointed out. “So why the mask?”

 

Kenma looked at him lengthily, taking their time to answer.

 

“I don't like people staring at me. I look like a normal human, so some youkai and spirits stare at me. If I wear the mask they stare less,” they muttered the last part, a bit self-conscious about Kuroo's opinion of them now.

 

Kuroo simply nodded, understanding. And that was it. They returned back to normal after that incident.

 

All in all, it was one of the best summers Kuroo could remember. He was a carefree, happy child with an awesome new friend in the forest near his grandparents' village. He had so much fun; he didn't want those days to end.

 

However, all good things must end.

 

“Kenma, I won't be able to come here tomorrow,” Kuroo announced one day as they walked down from the mountain. “It's almost the end of the summer, so I have to go back home tomorrow,” he said, a bit disheartened.

 

“You're coming back next year?” Kenma simply asked him.

 

To which Kuroo nodded furiously, smiling. “Of course!”

 

From this day, Kuroo started to look forward to the summer. It meant going back to his grandparents' place, back to the forest, and back to Kenma. Now, summer didn't seem like it could come fast enough for him.

 

And Kenma waited all year for summer to come.

 

Every year, during the summer, without fail, Kuroo would come back to his grandparents' house, and without fail he'd come to play in the forest with Kenma.

 

He received many more warnings from other youkai to not touch Kenma. Everyone in the forest seemed quite protective of them, and that made him happy. He was glad that Kenma had other people to spend time with while he was away. Even though they spent almost all their days together during the summer, it was good that he had lots of friends to take care of them. But he was slightly jealous that the other beings in the forest could touch them.

 

But, he knew the risk of touching Kenma. And he really didn't want Kenma to disappear.

 

One day, it had come so close that it had marked them both.

 

Kuroo loved to climb up trees. It was some kind of adventure on its own and he loved it. One day he went off and Kenma had come searching for him. So he decided to try and scare him. After all, Kenma always looked (well, sounded, because the mask stayed on their face) bored, or not energetic. So Kuroo wanted to scare him to hear him display more emotions. Plus scaring friends could be fun as long as it was harmless.

 

So he had sneaked off and climbed up a tree and hid in the branches. There he waited for Kenma to pass by the tree and dropped in front of him while still hanging on the tree.

 

This didn't have the expected effect.

 

“Ah you're there Kuro,” Kenma simply noticed. “What are you doing?”

 

Kuroo pouted slightly before he climbed back up on the branch. The blood was starting to pump in his head and it was really uncomfortable. He sat more comfortably before answering. “I wanted to scare you.” But he didn't hear the crack of the branch under him. All that movement and the added weight was a bit too much for the old tree.

 

They looked at each other, neither of them noticing the cracking sounds.

 

“Can you take off your mask more often?” Kuroo asked.

 

Kenma shrugged, nodded, but just as they were about to take off their mask the branch finally ceded. With a scream Kuroo started to fall. Kenma dashed to catch him, but they both noticed that Kenma's hands would touch Kuroo's skin if they did catch him. A look of horror replaced fear on Kuroo's features. However, Kenma noticed too and retracted his hands and took a couple of steps back to be sure.

 

Kuroo fell on the ground with a loud thud. But he didn't hurt himself and was quickly back on his feet.

 

“I'm glad you didn't catch me,” Kuroo remarked.

 

Kenma let out a sound of surprise. Was he even stranger than they thought? Who would want to get hurt if they had the possibility to be alright? They didn't get the chance to ask because Kuroo was already talking again.

 

“Kenma, promise me you'll never ever touch me.”

 

They were taken aback by the sudden seriousness in Kuroo's voice and eyes. They stayed silent, trying to process everything that Tetsurou was saying. They didn't say anything to that. They didn't add anything.

 

And all went back to normal.

 

The years came and went, one after another. And every summer, without fail Kuroo would come back to the mountain's forest.

 

“Kenma ! I've been made captain of my volleyball club!”

 

Kenma looked at him surprised.

 

“But, isn't the captain supposed to be responsible?”

 

“Wow, Kenma, that one hurt!” Kuroo exclaimed laughing.

 

Then, when Kenma stood up and walked away, Kuroo noticed something. He was getting closer and closer to Kenma's height. Well, more accurately, he was closer and closer to growing taller than Kenma. They weren't that tall and it didn't seem that they were aging or growing like he was. So perhaps next year, his first year of high school, he would be taller than Kenma.

 

He wasn't sure how to feel about this.

 

Would that mean he'd die way before them? He didn't really want to think about it. After all, they still had years before they had to worry about that. Years to meet again; and many summers to spend together before that.

 

They played and played in the mountain. They grew closer and closer every time they spent days together. Sometimes Kenma didn't feel up to run around after or with Kuroo, so they would just relax and nap under the sun, near the lake. Sometimes, Kuroo brought his ball and tried to teach Kenma how to play volleyball. They didn't have a net or anything, but it was fun. Kenma would set the ball to him and he'd jump to spike it. It wasn't his main role as a middle blocker but that was fun. And they weren't at risk to accidentally touching, normally. They'd also practice their receives; after all, the high school Kuroo wanted to get in was very good at them.

 

As the years went by, Kuroo grew taller and he started to look more and more adult, but Kenma stayed the same. And everytime, Kenma would lead Kuroo back down the path of the mountain.

 

But summer was only a short period of time. And every year, he had to go back to Tokyo.

 

Back home.

 

However, just before he left he would always go back to the mountain to say goodbye to Kenma.

 

And this year, he had decided to give them a present right before he left. He hurried up the stairs in the morning before he had to leave and gave him a package.

 

“What's this?” Kenma asked.

 

“You always complain that winter is too cold,” he smiled.

 

They opened the package and saw a red scarf there. A smile bloomed on their face behind their mask.

 

“You're welcome,” Kuroo smiled back before he turned back to leave the mountain.

 

After so many summers together, he had become quite good at reading what Kenma was feeling or meant, even with their mask on. Which was really helpful seeing as Kenma wasn't the most talkative person or that it was hard to read their expressions when it was hidden behind a mask.

 

Kuroo turned back once and waved at them smiling. “See you next year!” he shouted smiling before hurried down the mountain, he still had some packing to do and he didn't want to miss his train.

 

Months passed, and Kuroo couldn't stop thinking about the person on the mountain. The months seemed to pass so slowly, he couldn't wait for the summer to come once again. Sure he had volleyball, and it was really fun, but he would have loved to play on the same team as Kenma.

 

His friends noticed he was a bit out of it, but he couldn't help to long for the mountain and for summer to come back. Simple acts made his want to see Kenma. But he couldn't really say that to his friends.

 

He wanted to be able to see Kenma during every season. He wanted to be able to touch Kenma without them disappearing. He wanted so many things that couldn't happen. Because there was a cost.

 

He entered high school, showing off his new volleyball jersey to Kenma.

 

“Nekoma ?” they asked.

 

“My school,” he answered before coming closer to them.

 

Then he grinned at them. “Oh, it seems I am now taller than you,” he said teasingly. Kenma huffed and crossed their arms, annoyed.

 

“You're just insanely tall,” they shot back.

 

“Don't worry, you're all small and cute,” he laughed.

 

“Am not,” they replied as they started to walk.

 

“Are too,” he said as he followed.

 

“Am not.”

 

They walked in silence for a short while, when Kuroo couldn't help himself and added a last “Are too,” to which Kenma quickly replied that they weren't.

 

Kuroo loved it. Their banter, and their time together was always so much fun. He didn't want to leave them. He really didn't. He loved being here, on the mountain with them.

 

“I plan to get a job here when I graduate,” he said one day.

 

Kenma turned towards him surprised. He had thought Kuroo would go to college and that he'd find a good job in the city.

 

“Then I can see you more,” he smiled. “And I'll bring my best friend, Bokuto, I'm sure he'd love to meet you. And Akaashi too, you two would get along.”

 

Kenma said nothing at first. They lay down on the grass and they just stayed silent, observing the clearing in front of them, dozing off to the sound of the wind ruffling the leaves and the bird chirping in the trees. Then they turned towards Kuroo, a small smile visible under the mask.

 

“I'd like that,” they whispered.

 

Kuroo looked down at them, smiling fondly. He really liked them.

 

Some time passed before Kenma started to talk once again.

 

“Kuro, I'm not a youkai you know, but I'm not human either.”

 

“I know that,” Kuroo said nodding. He tried to think why Kenma was saying this, but nothing came to his mind..

 

Kenma glared, a bit annoyed by his interruption, but that wasn't new. “When I was a baby I was abandoned in the forest. I should have died there. But then the other youkai came and gave me the mask to calm me down, or something. They said the mountain's god cast a spell that allowed me to live,” they hesitated there, trying to judge Kuroo's reaction, but Tetsurou didn't show anything, so they kept talking. “I want to be selfish and have you come back here, to me... But you'd be happier with other humans. Not with someone who'd disappear at a simple human touch.”

 

“Don't be stupid Kenma,” Kuroo said, interrupting their last thoughts. “I don't care about that. You're real and you're here I don't care if I can't touch you. I want to be with you. I don't want to forget about you. I want to be selfish and keep coming back here,” he said quickly. Then he took a deep breath. “Look Kenma, I don't want to leave you. I'd be happier if I could see you every day of the year, that's it. I want to make the most of everyday we have together.”

 

Kenma was speechless at that. “God, you're so embarrassing,” they said hiding their face in their knees.

 

Tetsurou laughed at that. “It seems I am.” Then his smiled dropped. “But I promise I'll never forget you,” he said more seriously.

 

Kenma didn't say anything at that and just stood up. “Come on, let's go back.” And they dropped the topic, walking back in the forest.

 

Days passed once again. Summer was ending. And another one, after that.

 

“Kuro? It's your last year of high school right?” Kenma asked one day.

 

“Hm ? Oh yeah, but I'll come back after graduating.”

 

Kenma nodded before they came to a decision.

 

“Want to come to a festival?”

 

“A youkai festival?” Kuroo asked excitedly.

 

Kenma laughed slightly. “No, a normal festival organized by youkai.”

 

“That's almost the same,” Kuroo said.

 

“Not really,” Kenma replied. “So yeah, tonight can you come?”

 

Kuroo nodded, “Of course! I'd love to go there with you!”

 

“Then meet me at eight.”

 

“It sounds really fun.”

 

Kenma shrugged, it wasn't that fun for them. They raised their mask and smiled a bit. “If you say so.”

 

Kuroo looked at him surprised. “Kenma stop being so cute it makes me want to hug you.”

 

“Go ahead.”

 

Kuroo looked aghast at Kenma's words. Did they realize what it would mean? They'd disappear. He couldn't do that. Sure, he wanted to be able to touch them, to hold them in his arms, but he couldn't do that. He couldn't. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to see them disappear. He couldn't imagine what it would be like. He had known them for most of his life already. He couldn't imagine his life without seeing Kenma. He just couldn't.

 

Kuroo didn't answer in the end. They both stayed silent after that. That had been such an important thing. Kenma also wanted to touch Kuroo despite the consequences for them. And just that meant they couldn't speak that much right now. It wasn't some light revelation.

 

So they stayed silent until Kuroo had to go back home.

 

He still met Kenma before the festival.

 

The festival really looked like a human one. All the youkai were dressed in traditional clothing and were wearing masks or tried to appear human. It was really nice.

 

Kuroo and Kenma were both wearing a yukata, Kuroo's was a dark red while Kenma's was a soft shade of brown. Both were wearing geta too.

 

Kuroo was looking around everywhere, impressed by all the work they put into this festival to make it look like a human one. He wouldn't be surprised if humans stumbled upon the festival and didn't think anything of it. That reminded him of something his grandfather had told him years ago, about how some people sneaked into a festival in the forest. It seemed he was right.

 

“Kuro,” Kenma called as he was already walking away. “Tie this around your wrist,” they said throwing him a long piece of fabric.

 

“Oh, is Kenma afraid to get lost?” Kuroo teased but he tied the fabric around his wrist nevertheless.

 

“Shut up, it's for your own benefit,” they pouted slightly tying the other end of the fabric around their own wrist.

 

Kuroo smiled down at them. “It's almost like we're holding hands,” he laughed.

 

“Almost,” Kenma pointed out, something akin to disappointment in their voice.

 

Then they started walking around, looking at the stands and appreciating the fireworks. Both had really a lot of fun looking around enjoying their time and laughing. The festival got more and more crowded as the night grew.

 

This really was a one of a kind festival. And Kuroo was sure he would remember this night all his life. He was just feeling so happy. He was on what felt like a date with Kenma and he was just delightedly happy. He felt so lucky, being able to be there. He never thought he would have been glad that he got lost in the forest as a kid, but here he was.

 

The night finally wore off after they lighted the huge bonfire, and Kuroo and Kenma decided it was time to head back home, out of the mountain.

 

They walked together near the river, the sounds of the ending festival growing more and more silent behind them as they walked.

 

“This was so strange!” Kuroo exclaimed, laughing. “Is it like this every year?”

 

“Yeah, at the end of the summer,” Kenma said a bit distracted. “Hey Kuro...”

 

“Kenma?”

 

“I really do want to be selfish... I want to see you even if you're in the city and I can't be around people,” Kenma admitted.

 

Tetsurou looked at him from the corner of his eye. He fought the impulse to grab their hand or hug them tightly. He wanted to show them so badly how he felt. Words weren't enough. But he'd lose them. And he couldn't be the reason they'd disappear. He couldn't. That was absolutely not possible.

 

Kenma then took their mask off and looked at it lengthily.

 

“You're really annoyingly tall,” they remarked as they looked down at their mask. They, then, gestured to Kuroo to come down. When Kuroo complied, Kenma put their mask on his face. “Don't move,” they whispered before they leaned in and placed a kiss on the mask where they would have kissed Kuroo.

 

Kuroo didn't move, blushing madly behind the mask. He looked at Kenma who was walking in front of him. “Keep the mask,” they said, a small smile tugging at their lips.

 

Tetsurou was completely speechless as they kept on walking. This had felt like a goodbye. It felt like Kenma was planning on leaving the mountain. And it made his thoughts all confused. Sad, yes, but at the same time, it was probably good if Kenma wanted to do something for themselves. But the thought of coming back to a forest without Kenma hurt. He didn't want it to be their last summer. He didn't want it to be the end. They still had so much to do together.

 

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. His imagination was probably going wild. It wasn't that. He was wrong. Probably. Surely.

 

As they kept on walking, kids passed running and laughing in front of them. One of the kids tripped over a root in front of Kenma who grabbed the kid's arm to prevent him from falling. The kid thanked them before he hurried after his friends, still laughing.

 

That's when Kuroo noticed a strange light coming from Kenma. They were looking at the hand that grabbed the kid. Their hand was shining and the tips of their fingers seemed to be flying away in small bits of light. They were looking surprised at the sight of their body disappearing.

 

“That kid was human?!” Kuroo exclaimed, distress clear in his voice.

 

Kenma didn't answer but they turned towards Kuroo before a small smile appeared on their face. They opened their arms, waiting.

 

Kuroo threw away the mask on hurried to take them into his arms. Finally he could embrace them, so he let himself enjoy the present moment. He tighten his arms around Kenma, as if his hold would be enough to stop them from disappearing. He buried his nose in Kenma's hair, trying to make the most of that small instant between them. Kenma gripped Kuroo's yukata tightly, trying to hold him closer. Neither of them wanted to let go.

 

“I love you,” Kuroo mumbled into Kenma's hair. He wanted to tell them. He needed to. He couldn't let them go without telling them. Kuroo tried to choke back his tears. He wasn't going to cry. Not now. He pressed their lips together in a too brief first and final kiss, grasping each other even tighter as Kenma completely disappeared.

 

Kuroo fell down to the ground, holding Kenma's now empty yakuta, weeping.

 

“ _I love you too.”_

 

He then stood up, after long, long minutes, trying to stop his tears and went to take back the mask he threw. At least he had a real memento of Kenma. Something he could hold onto.

 

“Thank you,” he heard a voice behind the trees. “We wanted Kenma to stay with us forever, but Kenma wanted to touch you. They wanted to hug you.”

 

He didn't reply, but he waved goodbye to all the youkai, tears still flowing while he couldn't stop them.

 

As he walked down the mountain's path that night, a thought crossed his mind. He probably wouldn't be able to look forward to summer now.

 

Perhaps with time he would learn to love summer again. But now, summer was both a wonderful and painful time. It was the months he met Kenma, he grew close to them, and lost them. He would remember Kenma, he would remember those happy summer on the mountain. But for now, it was too painful.

 

Even though being there hurt, he still searched for a job in the village after graduating. Because, even if it was painful, even if the longing didn't go away, he still loved the mountain's forest.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I warned you it wasn't a happy story, not really... I'm sorry (not really)
> 
> come scream at me on [tumblr](http://weirdlywisely.tumblr.com/)


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